Metacognition turns me on...

So… I am a kick ass seamstress. I sewed these really elaborate (but fairly inexpensive) Halloween costumes for my husband and I last year (as I have done many years now). A nice lady at my church saw our outfits and LOOOOOVED them, she said. This was last year, mind you, and she asked if I would help her next year. I said sure, thinking of the whole year of time ahead for planning, sewing etc. And I like to help other people out.

So the aforementioned lady asked me last week about me sewing for her or helping with a costume similar to mine (as in….something that looked good and less hooker-ish….her words, not mine). I said sure. At this point, I’m mildly frustrated but don’t want to go off on a holier-than-though speech about how precious “my” time is.  And since she asked last year , I knew it was coming… but man, I wish peopole would respect a reasonable timeframe when asking for help from me. Yes, I’m emphasizing that I did not ask her to pay/compensate me in any way. So I’m not begging her business. I was actually just trying to be nice and help a friend out. I thought it would be creative and fun.

*Tangent* I have recently been asked if I wanted to kneel on the floor for several hours gluing backings on frames and huffing spray adhesive for a business in town, to “make me some extra money.”  I mentioned kindly that I was not in need of “extra monies” at this time, appreciated being thought of, but must politely decline. 
Then I was recently asked  if I could just “run over and babysit some kids” for a lady that a friend of mine knew who was in a bind. I mentioned that I personally use two great sitters on occasion, and passed on their names. I added that I personally, was not in the babysitting business, but again, thanks for thinking of me.
THEN, I was asked if I could put on a carnival for developmentally disabled people, and sell some of my art there. I’m so not kidding. Well….NOT ON YOUR LIFE!  First, I don’t babysit disabled folks any more than I have interest in babysitting babies. Second, art sells to VERY particular audiences who appreciate and can afford what they’re buying. This is so not right. And third, why the fuck would I want to run a carnival? The response I got was “for more art exposure?” And yes, it was posed as a question. So no…i don’t want crappy little weird jobs you people keep throwing at me.  Are you out of your ever lovin’ mind? Why do you think I’d have any interest in these bizarre activities? Do I have some stamp on my face that indicates “desperate and in need of sordid excuses for employment, probably unhappy, needs playmates and scrap food”???
And to top it off, recently I’ve had several friends/ past co-workers/ family members stand me up, or be exceedingly late to appointments because “something came up”. When I was working full time, I never had this problem. In fact, if I called, people jumped to meet with me etc. It was weird. It is as if I have suddenly become expendable, fuck-over-able, and the one who “probably has nothing better to do than wait”. Whatever.

So…What the heck. I’m actually busy. All day. Yes, all day. I work from home, own a company and website that I’m proud of, no matter how small. I sell used text books online, sell my art, and take care of a 4 month old baby. I’m taking too many classes in grad school but pulling a 4.0 (something, in undergrad, I was only vaguely aware of others theoretically attaining). And yes, I’m proud of that for me. I like my eclectic work schedule and working from home, and doing things my way. I like cooking and not cleaning if I want to. :) My Husband and I are very happy and have a nice life and we planned and thought this through so please quit being offensive and acting like my only salvageable talent must lie in doing random, mindless, labor for you.  I didn’t ask for your insight, help, or employment. PS. I’m not broke just because I quit my very well paying 50 hour a week management desk job that I HATED and had worked at for 14 years!!! DUde.

*End of tangent*

But in her defense, costume lady HAD asked last week saying “you probably don’t have time so I was just not gonna even ask, and I feel bad”. So I took sympathy and said “look, if I can’t sew something, maybe you can borrow some older costume stuff of mine and we can put it together to make it work, and I can help with assescories”. She was excited.
So today, (noticing the time dwindling closer to the big day and NO mention of a meet up) I mentioned that she should come by after lunch or something someday soon. Her eyes lit up (what….had she forgeten?) So she said she had some 1pm appt. (maybe dr., not sure). And that she’d come by right after that, today.
Ok…not so bad, I can procrastinate on writing my paper that’s due tomorrow.

So, I came home after my morning activities, hurried to put the baby down for a nap, tidied some house stuff, made the bed, skipped lunch and pulled out TONS of costume stuff and laid it out nicely on the bed for her to see and go through.
And waited And waited
And  three hours after she was supposed to be here…I just got a text saying “sorry, appointment took way longer than planned. And I’m feeling bad so I”m heading home.”  I responded “no prob. Feel better:)”.
I know I’m a liar. Cause there is a small problem. Please don’t stand me up when I’m going out of my way to help you and I actually don’t have time.I’m a hypocrite but really do feel bad if she’s under the weather or whatever. Ugg.

Sometimes I hate life. Oft times, when I try to be good and nice to people I end up getting so frustrated by them, that it almost makes my loathing of mankind….well…worse!
Here’s what I want. 1. If you make plans with me, stick to them (if at all possible). If you say you want to drop by, actually show up, when you said.2. If you want to hang out (and I’d love that), please give me moderate notice and I will put it in my calendar and bend over backwards to be there. 3. DON”T wait till the last minute, and call to hang out or when you need something and then get mad that I’m not available and call ME inflexible. It might help if you aquired a calendar/date planner/ (insert random object of organizational mastery here) of your own and use it. 4. It’s overused but I love it: You’re lack of planning does not constitute an emergency for me. 5. Quit judging me for working at home and get off my ass with your lame hints, innuendos and “helpful” job offers.

Today my head is filled with a bizarre amalgam of things. These things are not helpful for the midterm I have at 6pm tonight. I can’t seem to make myself care. I have tried for days to study…really. But my usual academic enthusiasm is completely AWOL.

So, I’m going with the flow and having a pretty relaxing day. I want to take a nap, but when I lie down, my mind is still running a thousand [insert random term of measurement here] per second and I can’t keep my eyes closed (well, not both at the same time, anyway). I am easily distracted and keep wondering: Why is Elmer, the cow, on the jar of rubber cement? Why does my tooth still hurt (from my recent root canal) when they said it would stop soon? Why is that guy peeking over my neighbor’s fence into his backyard?When are we gonna hear on my hubbie’s possible new job in Denver? Will I fail this upcoming test?  Do birds have girlfriends? And why do I crave frozen chocolate chips?

I don’t think I’ve wasted the day. I have, in fact, accomplished several things I needed to do (it’s just that none of them had to be done today and the studying for the test should have been done today). So maybe I’m just out of order.

Well, back to…ehh….”thinking” really hard.